My Brothers
by Mikia
Summary: Lupins thoughts after what happened in OotP. Includes Tonks and Lupin makes up his mind about what he wants. Not slashy. Spoils a bit too..


_**My Brothers**_

_Mikia_

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**_Disclaimer_**: I don't HP, cuz' I can't match the genius of Rowling to the slightest extent. Had a year of writer's block…. Back on target, thanks to the help of my mom and best friend in the whole wide world…Thalia Poet

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'It wasn't supposed to happen this way,' he thought to himself, staring into the fireplace watching the innocent blaze. He didn't want anyone to know his tears; after all, he just lost another brother. Not a biological brother, but a brother all the same. First James, for a while Peter, and now Sirius; maybe the curse of the werewolf included everything he knew and loved to fall to pieces. His only family, his first friends, were dying before his eyes, and he, Remus Lupin, had not even shed a tear after losing another. Then of course there was Harry-oh Lord-poor Harry. Only two years of knowing he had a godfather, that he might finally be freed of the abuse of the Dursleys, only to witness the death of the only person he ever considered even close to a father.

'Is my end approaching as well?' he fazed, rubbing his forehead with his fingers. After all, I'm all that boy as left of his father, unless Peter decides to become a saint.

The thought made him smile, even if it was just a tad. Maybe that was the point of growing older, you lose you loved ones, but it doesn't hurt as much as the first time.

James of course, hit him hard, very hard. James was practically the ring leader of the quartet of friends, he was the one who approached him, followed by Sirius and Peter, and it was his death that was a shock. He wasn't supposed to die; he was the one with the Secret Keeper, he was supposed to live. Yet the fates were cruel, taking him with beautiful Lily to the heavens, their only contact with their only son would be through dreams, memories, dementors, and anything else that might provoke his mind. Now the boy was without parents, a godfather, and left with three muggles that would fall over dead at the word 'magic'.

"Maybe if things change, I could adopt Harry," he muttered watching the flames as they teased his confused mind.

"You sure that's a good idea?" a voice broke out.

"Tonks, you need to stop sneaking up on people," he answered flatly receiving a light chuckle that suddenly came up beside him.

She quietly sat on the armchair next to him, cuddled her legs up to her chest, and gazed at him.

"Adopting Harry, is that a good idea?" she repeated.

He reverted his tired eyes towards her, suddenly unsure of his quick decision. "Now I'm not so sure, do you think it's a good idea?"

She stared at him, obviously unsure of her own answers, all the while twirling her finger through her hair.

"Yes and no at the same time."

"Meaning?"

She let out another sigh and straightened her legs out. "I mean-c'mon Remus- you don't know exactly what might happen in the next few years. I might die, you might die, even Harry might-"

"Harry won't die," he corrected trying to convince himself of his own prediction.

"Remus, it also doesn't help that you're a werewolf. Harry would be in a lot of danger if he lived with you. Yet, you are the closest thing to his father he has left, unless you think Peter will take him in." There was almost a hint of annoyance in her voice-well of course there would be-she was arguing with Remus Lupin after all.

"I want to protect that boy Tonks, and it really hurts to know I can't. I don't even have a proper house, what kind of man am I- can't even take care of my best friend's son when he needs someone to comfort him. What am I saying? I'm not even close to a man. Maybe I'll consider myself a mongrel and-"

"Remus, stop it! I know it hurts! I know it's killing you inside to think that another one is dead and Harry is once again alone. You can't stop what's happening around you, and you certainly can't stop who dies. But one thing for certain, you can still protect that boy, and you must I know how you feel Remus, he was my cousin; the only person in my family, other than my mother, that wasn't such a cretin, and that was on my side for once."

He stared at her, and even though the room was dim and the fire was the only source of light, he could see the tear streaks on her face; like water pouring down a dusty trail.

"I know Tonks, he was my brother."

She nodded quietly and wiped her eyes.

'Peachy Lupin, since when do you make women cry?' he thought making a reminder to bite himself on the next full moon.

He returned his gaze back to the fire while Tonks got up from her seat and started to walk away. He could hear her footsteps stop, probably not that far behind him, and heard the crinkle of the morning edition of the _Daily Prophet._

"You know, the death of Sirius should have been in the newspaper, after all if they found his body at the Ministry. Not unless they still think he's in Tibet. But I would have thought someone could have tipped the Ministry off, but it's still not in the paper," she said slowly returning to the fireplace.

"Have a look," she added placing the paper onto his armrest and quietly left.

He closed his hand over his eyes and quietly rubbed his eyelids. After a moment of thinking, he quickly picked up the newspaper and went through it, searching for any bit of hope he could find. When he was finished, a smile crossed his lips, but still with a great amount of doubt and grief that stayed in the air.

"My God, I hope she's right," he whispered and continued to think to himself to the innocence of the flames. "Not just for Harry's sake-but-what am I saying, of course for Harry's sake."

Confusion started to rise once again. He analyzed his almost faulty choice of words, contemplating if he actually agreed with his innocent stutter.

'If not for Harry, then for who?' he began. Then it struck him; how could he forget so easily. He said it out loud to Tonks, but the meaning became clearer

_ "I know Tonks, he was my brother."_

His brother, and now he understood. For once, after being selfless when it came to Harry's benefit, did his true hearts desire stood out before anything else. James, Sirius, Peter before it all happened, the memories came back to him, and now after so long he never considered it, but it was all true in his heart and mind.

"I want my brothers back."


End file.
